My apartment is spotless. All my running around and shopping is done (for the most part). I have a fridge full of proper food, including at least six kinds of produce, and chicken breast cooking for a salad. A bottle of wine. Everything is packed up and ready for school tomorrow. I like being a part time housewife. To myself.
I may have said something to Busan to the effect of, “Talk to me about it after we’ve at least made it past the one year mark,” when he brought up moving in together a few months back. At least, that’s the impression I’m getting from the number of times he’s brought it up so far this week. He’s dutifully kept his apartment spotless for six months now, and I’m starting to run out of excuses. So I haven’t been making them.
I just explained what I’m really worried about, which is that sometimes I get stressed out from work and am not always the most pleasant person to be around on weekday evenings. I can manage one or two nights a week of socializing, but I’ve been living alone for a long time. I don’t want to be the downfall of this relationship with my snapping and grumping around because I don’t feel like being social at the end of the day. And that’s what I’m really afraid of.
I also told him that I still sort of enjoy really looking forward to seeing him. Getting ready for a date, and going to meet him. I know that’s the kind of shit you have to let go of eventually when you become an adult who has long term relationships with other adults, but I’ve never been in a relationship this long term before, and I’ve certainly never considered moving in with someone.
Dunno. I feel like I’ve come a long way in the commitment-phobic department. But I don’t know that I’m quite that far along yet. I just hope he can keep being patient with me.
