Stuff and things behind the cut. Bleck.
So. I’m just going to have to get used to it, that part of dating a Korean man in Korea who is sometimes contracted with very large, very successful, very demanding corporations, is dealing with a 야근 schedule. Which means sometimes getting cancelled on with little notice. Which means sitting around and waiting sometimes. Which means having plans ruined. Which means sometimes being disappointed and upset, and not being rightfully allowed to be disappointed and upset with or at anyone. Or him.
I thought it would get easier. But somehow it’s just getting more difficult. And I think it’s tied to other feelings — feelings about how one or two meetings a week are suddenly starting to feel insufficient, and like the closeness that I feel, and want to have, is suddenly extending beyond the bounds of the situation that we have established. On the train today, still trying not to be upset, I found myself thinking, if only…. if only there were some way…. if only…. if….
Is that what I’m really thinking? Is this what it feels like, to start to move to that place, where wanting to spend time with another person starts to override your fears? Fears of making things more complicated, more entwined, of giving up parts of your independence and alone time.
Is this what it feels like to start to seriously consider moving in with someone?
I’m not to that point yet. Not nearly. I couldn’t see myself being there before the next six months are up, at least. But I can feel some big wall in my chest slowly starting to crumble.
Time will tell.
