I don’t know why I bother to check in over there. Sometimes there are genuinely decent conversations, especially about work, but I am getting just so tired of this.
Do you know what the caricature of a Korean man described in these posts and absolutely any man any one of my friends, Korean or Western, has been involved with long term have in common? Fucking nothing. No brand names. No “man bags”. No mirrors or excessive selcas. No balloons. No curfews.
And why the fuck is it that men just cannot fucking keep their noses out of these conversations? Why do they feel the need to constantly charge in and announce that they have a penis, therefore they’ve never dated a Korean man, BUT….
And the women who state flat out that they’ve never dated Korean men either, BUT….
Why are you fucking opening your mouth then? Why is it that every single one of these threads I’ve ever seen is absolutely dominated by posts by people who have never had any firsthand experience? Behind them come the first daters with their six months in the country who want to give the anecdotal evidence of every fucking idiot they’ve ever met off a chatting app.
This is why it’s difficult for some of us to stomach the the Kpop image of Korean men around Tumblr, as naive and dumbfuck youth oriented as it may be, because when we go outside into the world and attempt to mingle with other foreigners, while also having a Korean boyfriend, this is the dumbass shit we have to answer to. And no matter what you say, you are either a. being defensive or b. dating the exception. It doesn’t really make it better when the stereotypes shift a bit to another empty image of who you’re dating and why you’re dating them.
A lot of the people who are around now weren’t around back before dating Korean guys was the done thing. They weren’t here to experience the snide reaction you would get from absolutely everyone out in public if you dared even breathe of a date with a Korean guy. Being constantly warned that we were going to get beaten up or slapped around, or not to even consider marriage because Korean men all become alcoholic abusers after marriage. Or to have people laugh in your face about how your taste is “unique” because Korean men are so girly. Or to hear comments like, why would you date a Korean guy if you’re not Korean? Korean women only do it because they have to.
Back when dating a Korean guy made you a walking freak show.
To now have become an object of envy all over the interent because you’ve snagged the elusive Kboy boyfriend.
It’s just not what we were hoping for, when some of us came to the internet several years ago to start opening up dialogues about this thing we got blasted for out in our own communities. It’s been a little bit difficult to watch, to see it go from mark of shame to bragging rights, all the while attempting to just maintain “normal” relationships.
Personally, I’m not really bothered by the little fifteen year old fangirls. I teach fifteen year olds. I don’t expect a lot in that department, except that some day they’ll grow up and feel a bit silly, as did a lot of the girls I went to school with who would almost literally pass out when they talked about The Backstreet Boys, or whatever. But it gets a bit rough when it’s chatter that comes from adult women who are actually here in the country, who turn around and perpetuate this image to other women who aren’t here to see for themselves.
I get that part of being young and on Tumblr is all things pretty. Instagram and photoshop and perfect food and perfect clothes and thigh gaps, everything done over with a hazy glow. Not much of it is actually based in reality. But now we roll up on Valentine’s Day, for which I expect to receive, from my Kboy, little more than a hug, my Kboy, who texts me once a day for a few minutes at the most, with whom I go dutch at dinner, who has never given me flowers or balloons because it’s “embarrassing”, from whom I sat across the table near our 100 days, as a friend awkwardly pointed the date out and the fact that we were wearing “couples” leather jackets, as we both awkwardly squirmed, who took 3 months to call me his girlfriend, and 8 to say he loves me.
Who has also never hit me, rarely drinks, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t control my behavior, who my friends are, what I wear, or when I come home. Who never raises his voice in an argument, let alone a hand, who doesn’t lie or cheat or go to room salons. Who doesn’t expect me to quit my job after marriage, or do all of the cooking or cleaning myself.
See what I’m getting at?